


Frustration

by CapricornBites



Category: jacksepticeye, youtube - Fandom, youtube-rpf
Genre: FTM, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapricornBites/pseuds/CapricornBites
Summary: Even simple pleasures felt so wrong.





	Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> I've been told this fic can be triggering and make dysphoria worse so tale care everyone.

Have an Anti drabble.

Anti stretched out on Jack’s bed, with the nerd gone away on tour he could be out and about more and even have the bedroom to himself most days, something he appreciated. Being trapped in Jack or in the computer got exhausting ever since he had gained a more corporal form.  
At the very least it made scrolling through tumblr much more relaxing as he swiped at his iPod’s screen. He needed an attention fix, his birthday being over shadowed by that jackass Mark’s little stunt and now Dark and Will were the talk of the town. Growling he tried to find something he hadn’t seen or read yet, needing a fresh boost of adoration from the fans and coming up short all around. Despite his better judgement he ended up on the role play side of tumblr, the only place that seem to constantly be talking about him.

Talking about him literally fucking everyone and their brother, sister, cousin and oc.

Truth be told it didn’t bother him too much, it was actually kinda cool seeing the many ways his fans wrote him. Even if he was often written as a shameless whore. Sighing, he hunted for a decent thread where the writers didn’t completely butcher his personality and of course.  


It was a long hardcore smut filled one of him and Chase.

Whatever.

He needed something to keep him occupied and give him his fix. Scrolling the thread he smiled. It wasn’t half bad, if he was being honest and it wasn’t straight up porn so that was a bonus, at least until his hypersensitivity kicked in. It wasn’t the worst it could be but, everything touching his bare skin was sending jolts of electricity throughout his body.

“Stupid fuckin Dad and his stupid fuckin fuck ups.”  
 He growled and rolled over onto his stomach, pressing a pillow to his throat wound, the pressure and pain helping keep him grounded by forcing him to focus on one spot of his body, it helped sometimes. Returning back to the role play he smiled, the writers seemed to be genuine fans of him. Before long he found himself reading a rather dirty passage, one that involved him and Chase smoking weed and making out like teenagers before grinding against one another. Growling softly Anti bit into his lip, letting his fangs dig small raw patches on the soft skin.  
_What would that even be like?_  He wondered. Aside from the occasional kiss from Jack he never really had much experience with intimate contact with others. Even then Jack was basically his dad so a peck on the lips and cuddling hardly counted. He kept reading letting his mind wonder as his body kept sending fresh pulses of feeling to his brain, it wasn’t long before he caught himself trying to rut against the bed. Growling louder he tossed his iPod aside and rolled back over cover his eyes with his hands. This was so stupid! He normally avoided fan fiction and role plays, hell even some fan art for this very reason! They always caused that painfully dull ache in his lower abdomen and left him pointlessly rutting only to feel frustrated that it never offered the proper stimulation.

He hated touching himself, it felt… _off_? He wasn’t ashamed, he had very little to feel ashamed of but, he wasn’t doing it right. Not the way everyone wrote him doing. The ache grew as he failed to shake the images of someone else’s hands on his stomach, what it would feel like to have someone kiss and bite his neck.

Fuck it. 

It was normal right? Touching yourself? Everyone did it, especially guys and he didn’t want to deal with that stupid fucking pain all night long. Shuddering he decided to take it easy. No reason to just dive into his jeans just yet right?  
He brushed his fingertips along his throat, trying to mimic what it would be like to be kissed there while he let his other hand wonder over his chest, happy to feel the coarse hair there before toying with his sensitive nipples.  
That was normal too, Jack liked it after all and even though he and Jack were very different it made sense to like the same things. Lots of guys like it, he told himself even as he moved his hand away feeling uncomfortable all the sudden, despite the pleasure the action had brought him. Moving his hand down he played with the fluffy patch of hair that grew just below his navel, scratching at the skin there and arching his back slightly when he tugged at the curls. _That._  That felt right. Groaning softly he drug his nails along his pelvic bones, shivering as his hypersensitivity started to rev up, making everything just a little too much as his skin tingled and set sharp jolts of pain through him. It wasn’t all to bad, he actually had come to enjoy it when his body got like that. Taking in a sharp inhale he prepared himself for the hardest part of this whole ordeal he had gotten himself into and slid his down the front of his jeans.

Nothing.

There was nothing there for him to grip and tug, just that damn annoying ache and a gross wet feeling between his legs. Biting back a scream of pure frustration Anti toyed with the curls that grew there, tugging at them and arching into his hand as he let lose another groan. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad this time, not that it mattered now if he stopped he’d have to deal with the pain all night long and he didn’t think his short temper could handle that. Gritting his teeth as he pleasure, frustration and mild disgust wrestled in his mind he ground the heal of his palm roughly against his pubic bone, whining and panting as he did so. The action sent a fresh wave of pain through his body and made him see stars behind his eyes.

“Fuck!” He spat out. That was okay. It hurt but, it was normal some guys liked a little pain down there and it was helping. The ache was throbbing hard now and he could feel more wetness pool between his legs as he rocked his hips until the merciless pressure his hand offered. He hated it, the way his body got so needy, demanding to be touched and toyed with in all the _wrong_  ways. Biting hard on his lip he pushed his hand lower, palm still pressing down hard against him as he slid his middle finger over himself. The wetness had spread and it made his stomach drop and the frustration rise again.

 _It’s fine. I just came already. That’s why its so messy right now._  He tried to reason with himself with a lie. It helped a bit as he tried to push the revulsion down as his fingers teased and stroked against his slick body and he ground his palm down further. His head feel back as he tried to hold onto the images that started all this. 

Teeth at his neck and hand between his legs, gripping and pulling instead of pressing and sliding. ‘Good boy’ and ‘So hard’ the praise he wanted to hear as someone would press their cock against his and rut. The feeling of a hot, wet mouth wrapped _around_  his junk instead of licking and kissing. Arching his back he finally bit the bullet and pushed two fingers inside, wincing at they way he stretched around the digits and the excess of fluid he found there. Taking a nervous, shaking breath he working them inside himself groaning and whimpering as he humped desperately against his hand. He hated it, the way his body wanted this, the way it felt so wrong to him even as pleasure shot through him. Growling in frustration as he groaned and panted, hooking his fingers to find that elusive spot inside him that would finally put an end to the ache and he could stop. With a sharp jerk and a whine that was far to high for his liking he came, his hand slick and gross as well as his thighs as he pulled his hand away. This time he let the cry of anger fall from his lips. It wasn’t fair! All he want was to be able to do things the right way. Not this wet, sloppy mess that felt so awkward and wrong to him. Pissed, emotionally drained and physically exhausted he ran his clean hand through his hair tugging at his roots in frustration before he finally calmed down enough to sleep, cursing the bullshit way his body had been made.


End file.
